Those crossroads I was facing, well I was truly hoping that I would get a diagnosis. It wasn't a great diagnosis, but it was at least an answer. Something to answer when someone asked "What's wrong with you??". Something to tell the doctors at the Emergency Department when I had a flare up, so they didn't just think I was after heavy duty pain medication.
Last Thursday, the doctor happily flourished his paperwork, and announced that my tests came back completely clear. He started to tell me what a good thing that was, but I think he realised my despair when I couldn't stop the tears streaming down my face.
So now.....
Chasing doctors, trying to get appointments, trying to get them to understand the gravity of what I am dealing with. Trying to make them see that my arms were improved with the nerve release, my legs are following the same progression, so surely the fact that my arms and legs are in the same body, there is the slightest of remote chances that they might be doing the same thing!
Research, research, research. Try to find solutions, different explanations, so that I can ask the right questions. But also remember that if I make it obvious that I have been researching, the doctors put their walls up, so I need to work out how to steer the conversation without saying "What about this ...".
Praying. As always, I ask God to heal me. Actually, more often than not I beg for it. Pray that He will open the right doors so I can get answers. And pray that if I have to live with this, he will give me strength, because without Him I am completely unable to go on. And I pray for patience, patience while I wait to get into doctors, patience to deal with the condescension from doctors, and from people who think that they have solutions, who "know someone who".
I really hope that this path leads to a solution, that some time in the foreseeable future I will have my pain taken away. I at least hope that I can get a diagnosis, something to work with. I am not really sure how I can cope with nothing, with this pain forever with no actual reason, I truly hope it never comes to that
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