But I am extremely unlikely to ever call.
Firstly, probably the biggest reason, is that on the days where I possibly would consider calling, when my pain is at its' worst and I am unable to do anything but put myself back to bed, I can hardly remember my own name, let alone remember who I could call because they had offered to help.
Secondly, the stress of picking up the phone, actually admitting for a second time that I really need help (the first when we were talking and you offered), is so daunting that it is easier to just let it go.
Then there's the question, what will I ask you to help with? What if I pick something that you absolutely hate doing, and then you either feel guilted into doing it, or you would do it half-heartedly and resent me, and then probably never offer to help either me or possibly anyone else again. At least, that's how it turns out in my head when I have been over-thinking things.
So you can see, my over-thinking basically means that I never accept help. Well actually that's not true at all. It's actually not that hard to offer to help if you actually want it to be accepted.
Firstly, don't say it as a platitude. Don't say it just because it seems like a nice thing to say, and you're secretly hoping they won't take you up on it, like when you ask how someone is and only want the answer to be "good, how about you?"
Then be specific. To be honest, where I am at, I am so overwhelmed with absolutely everything, that it wouldn't matter what you offered, it would be one less thing that I have to do, and that is a huge plus. And I have spoken to friends in very different situations, one who had lost their precious new baby, another whose husband had lost their job, and they completely agree.
So what can you offer?
Take the person out for coffee. Sometimes people who are in need of help feel trapped at home, and that makes them feel very alone. Even offering to visit at their house is better than leaving the person alone.
Cook them a meal. Make it one that is freezable. When my dad had a near-fatal car accident, we were inundated with lasagnes, ending up with about 3 weeks' worth. That's all we ate for the first week, but after that, it was fantastic to have spare meals in the freezer for days when we felt overwhelmed. If you want to make one that is best eaten straight away, then arrange with the person a few days in advance. Another really nice meal-oriented offer of help is to ask the family over for dinner, which also helps with the person feeling alone, but be prepared that they may have to cancel at the last minute.
Pick up their ironing. And tell them how long you will take, so that anything urgent doesn't have to be chased up.
Take a load of washing or two, especially difficult ones like sheets or towels.
Mow their lawn. Don't assume that they have teenagers so it's covered. When one person in the family is suffering, the repercussions flow onto the whole household. Yes the teens could do it, but they are also probably already doing so much around the house that a "normal" teenager wouldn't be asked to do. I know in my house, my teens cook/clean/wash regularly.
Babysit. Give the parents some time alone together. I know that my pain puts a lot of strain on our relationship, sometimes at the end of the day we are too exhausted to hang out together, we just go straight to sleep, and with excessive medical costs, romantic nights out are few & far between.
Send a note or gift. Something that shows you are thinking about them. Flowers or a card can often brighten many days, every time you see them, you are reminded of that person's love and concern for you.
And I could go on. Everything that you need to do around your house every day/week/month needs to be done around mine as well. And I struggle with pretty much all of it.
And one of the biggest tips I can give, be aware that some peoples' struggles go on for a very long time. People are often inundated in the first few days, what I call "crisis care". People first hear about the situation and jump in to help, but when they hear that the person is still struggling weeks or months later, they aren't as inclined to help.
Luke 6:38
"Give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, they will pour into your lap. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return."
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