Emotional Recovery??

I have been struggling for the last few days with what to write.  I really want this blog to be an honest reflection of my life, but when things get really sticky, it's not something that you necessarily want to share.  But since this is my Road to Recovery, and it is my emotional recovery just as much as my physical or spiritual recovery, I am going to share it.

I had an amazing weekend.  But I also had a completely rubbish weekend.  And unfortunately, the rubbish is what you stew on in the week following.

On Saturday I caught up with a friend, one who I hadn't spoken to in 2 years (almost to the day!).  It was hard for me to contact her, I knew I owed her an apology, but I felt very hard done by, and felt that as I was in the right (or so I told myself), I was better off without her.  I was wrong.  Having coffee with her, I knew that I had missed her, and I am very glad that I have gotten to the point where I could admit my mistakes and apologise.  We both agreed that we were in a really bad place at the time, and that we both made mistakes.  I know I can't jump straight back into the deep friendship I had with her, but I hope over time that we can build back up an even better relationship.

On Sunday, after church, we went and had a picnic at Avoca Lake

We took our own kayaks down, and shared a fun afternoon with two different families.  I was nervous inviting the second family, because I had originally organised the picnic with one of my oldest, dearest friends, but the day was so much fun for everyone.The guys watched the kids on the water, while the ladies chatted and had a child-free (ish) afternoon, it was sublime!

Unfortunately that was the end of the amazing weekend.  That afternoon I received a very toxic text from a different friend, abusing me for a mistake I had made in communication that week, and ending our friendship.  She said some very hurtful things in the message, and I am still floundering to work out where it all came from.  

Then that night, probably because I was so stressed from the text, hubby and I had the argument that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks now.  It was one of those arguments that are completely awful when you're in it, but it actually got things resolved..... I think.  Neither of us were feeling heard by the other, and it was interesting when we worked out that we were both arguing the same issue, but from our own point of view.  I hate that sometimes in marriage, you can be completely convinced that your spouse is trying to hurt you, and that everything they do is a calculated attack on you emotionally.  I wish that when I was in that head-space  that I could remember that he is the one person I know that has always had my back, and that the thought of hurting me is the furthest thing from his mind.  I also wish that I could stop reacting to every little thing, so I will stop making him feel that I am attacking him.

So now I am stuck in the aftermath of the weekend.  I keep stewing on what happened with the toxic texts.   I know that I handled things badly in this situation, but I cannot work out why things have blown up like they have.

My biggest stress in this is I am asking myself, have I been a true reflection of Christ?  I stood up for myself, and my daughter, and refused to have someone dictate how I should behave or allow them to treat us unfairly.  Did I do that with honesty and integrity?  Does being a Christian mean that I have to just lie down and take it?  I really don't think so.  I am so tired of having people accuse me of not being a Christian when I am not willing to let them walk all over me.  Why does being a Christian mean that I am a wimp?  Jesus certainly wasn't a wimp!

So that is the question I am left with, and one I will put to you, my dear readers:

If you are being treated unfairly, how should you respond?  And if it means that the person attacks, what do you do then?

What would Jesus do????????