What is my identity?

I have had a friend comment recently how I need to be careful not to let pain become my identity.  That they have seen a lot of people with pain let it become their identity, and I need to be sure that I don't do that.  While I think this is a valid comment, I think it truly comes from a place of misunderstanding.

My pain is all-encompassing.  I very rarely have a moment where pain isn't on my mind.  If I am blessed with a time without pain, I am considering how hard I can push myself so I won't end up with a major flare up.  When I wake in the morning, I lie there as long as possible before moving, because at that point I have a relatively small amount of pain.  When I get dressed, I decide what to wear based on how much it will irritate, or make things difficult throughout the day.  I cannot do a single thing without pain having an impact.  My pain is the filter that I look through to see my whole life.

My pain has changed me.  I am no longer the person I was before I had chronic pain.  I can no longer put my shoes on and clear my head by going for a long walk.  I can no longer work full time.  I can no longer make plans without warning that I may have to cancel at the last minute.  My past self is just that, past. Even if I have my operation and have my pain taken away, I will never be the same person again....

And I am so glad!

I am now more compassionate.  I understand what it's like to have an "invisible illness", that looking at a person is never enough to understand them, that they may be battling far more than I can ever realise.  

I am proud that I am outspoken about my pain, that I don't simply hide it, because it has allowed me to have great conversations with people who also have pain, helping them see that they aren't alone, like I have so often felt.

So back to my friend's comment, about pain being my identity.  I think my pain makes other people uncomfortable.  I also think that they don't realise how all-encompassing it truly is.  The fact that I can talk about anything else is the thing that is amazing.  So my identity is certainly shaped by my pain.

I have also been incredibly blessed by my pain.  I have seen how strong & comforting God is.  I have learnt how to have amazing joy, even when it seems I have nothing to be happy about.   I have learnt that my hope is in Jesus, even when my life seems completely hopeless.

So what is my identity?  I wear many hats.  I am a wife. I am a mother.  I am a friend.  As important as each of these are, they do not have eternal significance.  And that is why my identity is in Christ.  Christ died for my sins, to allow me to be reconciled with God the creator.  Without Christ, my life would have no hope, and in my darkest times, I would certainly find no joy.  

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies." (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

The outside of my temple may seem broken.  At times it may seem that all I can consider is my pain.  But know this, at all times I hold onto the verse

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)