Disability Parking

Yesterday I picked up my disabled parking permit...  

A lot of my friends are excited for me, which I guess show that for some time they have felt I need the assistance.  My husband is completely relieved, knowing that even when he drops me at the door, at the end of a shop, when I am completely exhausted and can barely walk, I hate to wait for him to pick me up.

I am not really sure how I should feel. 

There's a huge part of me that feels like I'm giving up.  That I am just saying "yup, I'm disabled, I won't even try any more".  I feel that I have said that I won't ever be better than this, that this is my life now, and that I will always be in pain.  That there is no longer any reason to fight, to keep pushing doctors for the answer that is so elusive.

Then there's the part of me that feels like I'm a fraud, that there are people so much worse than me, people who can't even walk, or even drive themselves anywhere.

Then I consider the reality of my physical condition, what I have to consider on a day to day basis.  The fact that a trip to Coles to get milk takes a huge amount of consideration, and includes a lot of time circling the car park trying to find a park close to the door.  The amount of times I have seen the half-dozen disabled parking spots empty, and I ended up parking in the furthest corner of the place, exhausted by the time I got to the door!  

And the clincher for me, the one that actually made me park in the space, was thinking that there is most likely someone out there that is struggling, and hasn't been blessed with the same thing, that they are cursing the empty spots and praying for a close spot, so I did my bit, took a hold of the gift I have been given....



And for once, after my quick Boost Juice run, I was in the least amount of pain than I have ever been...

The lesson I learnt, that there are things in place for people like me, and that if I have qualified for assistance, that means I am allowed.  And if it helps me have a better day today, and a little less pain, then I will park in my spot.